Friday, November 26, 2010

Honoring First Families

When Cadence came into our lives I developed a new hobby. Blogs. Occasionally it has been a slight addiction - particularly on a slow night shift at 3am. I've said "If you have been to China or are planning to go to China soon, I know a lot about you!" due to my frequent blog-stalking! While I love following people's journey, what I crave the most from these blogs is knowledge. I'm always looking for insight into the process. Initially I wanted to know, what will China be like? How do children react on Gotcha Day and the first few days and weeks afterwards? What helps them to feel more comfortable? Where is the best place to get squeaky shoes?!

As time goes on, the answers that I am seeking evolve. What will help Cadence adapt to her new life? How can I help her feel secure in her place in our family? Will there be things that she is thinking about or feeling that I may not even realize? What do I need to think about as she gets older and processes her adoption on a more mature level?

So, I continue to blog-stalk! I have found some wonderful stories and insight in the process. I am so thankful for these people who have chosen to allow strangers to read about their triumphs and heartache, their victories and their struggles, and the highs and lows of their daily life. I hope that reading these stories will help make me a better parent and person. Below is a link to a blog about adoptive families honoring their child's first family. I have thought about this a lot when people ask me if/how we will tell Cadence that she was abandoned. When people ask how someone could do that to their child. While I could never imagine abandoning my child, I don't think that Cadence's mother is a terrible person. I don't know why she did it or how she felt, but I do know that she gave us a beautiful, happy, headstrong, silly little girl. And for this I will always be grateful.

National Adoption Month: Honoring First Families


  1. what a great link. i can't imagine being anything but positive about mali's first family/birth mother. how could anything less be helpful? and i also wonder what kinds of questions mali will have as she matures. how will i know how to answer them all without doing more harm or causing her more pain than she may already have to endure?

    another blog i have personally found helpful is:

    she poses some good links and ponders some tough topics to make you think.

    also, here is my current blog for mali:

    (i think you only have the link to my old one before she came home).

  2. We have a 6 1/2 yr old (whom we got at 1yr) and will soon travel to pick up our son. I truly was not prepared for my daughter's recent questions about her origins and have found this delayed grieving process quite gut wrenching. I have found from other mother's that this is about the age they start asking questions and they all grieve differently. One girl was angry and lashing out until the mother finally sat down with her and asked why. Found out she was mad about being abandoned, something the mom didn't think she really realized. Now they talk through the anger. Another mom said her daughter was upset because they didn't know who her foster parents were. And my daughter is wondering why her mom abandoned her and do we know who she is. I'm hoping our upcoming trip will help her. I try to be open and honest with all her questions. But I can't control everything she hears and she comes to me with questions I never expected. Today I found a couple books on Amazon so I ordered them...Three Names of Me by Mary Cummings, and Star of the Week: A Story of Love, Adoption, and Brownies with Sprinkles by Darlene Friedman. They both came with good reviews and I hope they help my daughter process her past a little better.

    We travel to Hohhot next week...our blog is