Thursday, April 25, 2013

Three year anniversary

I may not blog frequently, but a month off it a record for me!  Lots of indecision in so many areas of my life have left me paralyzed on all decision making fronts... including what to write about!  However, yesterday was a special anniversary.  Three years ago we received our referral for Cadence.  I wrote this blog two years ago and still remember the feelings of that day so vividly, as if it was yesterday!

Cadence's referral picture

April 24th also marked the anniversary of another beginning... the beginning of our life with Cadence. I woke up that morning, one year ago, and got ready to start the chaos of a Saturday. Gym for me, swim for Sierra, baton and a sleepover for Laurel. I hurriedly opened my email and saw a message from our adoption agency. "Waiting Child Match - WANG, FENG YE". Holding my breath, reading the email, really only processing a few words "read this ENTIRE email carefully", "Female, 5/2/09, cleft lip and palate, Hohhot, Inner Mongolia", "time constraint on shared list", "This IS a potential child match". And then there were 4 pictures... and those eyes. Deep, dark, intense eyes. They didn't seem sad or broken to me, as I've seen other orphanage pictures look. They also didn't seem ecstatically happy, but content. But it felt like they were looking right AT ME.

And I was scared. We weren't supposed to get this until December, at least. I'd been watching everyone else's timeline and this was too soon. Could this really be it? Could it really be her? Was this our daughter? Was I supposed to open up my heart to this child and believe that she would be in my arms in a few months? What if some adoptive parent put their child on a plane back to China with a note in her pocket... and China stopped their adoptions, like another country had (albeit temporarily). Was I strong enough to have faith in the process to accept and love this child now? But isn't that what I did with both Sierra and Laurel? I fell madly and deeply in love with these children from the moment I saw two lines. I took a leap and opened my heart to something that I could lose. And I do it everyday now. I am not so naive to believe that the universe will discriminately protect me from the worst heartache possible. But I keep on loving, fiercely and deeply... as I did with Cadence on the same day that I opened that email. It didn't matter that I had never touched her hair, smelled her skin, or heard her laughter. It didn't matter that she was on the other side of the world. She was my daughter.

Four and half months later I got my first look into those eyes in person. I got to hold her, wipe her tears, and eventually hear her laugh! And now, one year after seeing her face for the first time, I get to do this everyday! We are truly blessed!

The first time I laid eyes on Cadence

Love this girl!