Ponderings

I don't know how the conversation evolved tonight, but the girls and I sat at the dinner table and we were talking about Sierra and Laurels' behaviors while I was pregnant. Sierra was a mover and shaker and occupied every inch of space she could, all the while searching for more. It seemed that she got the hiccups everyday and continued to for about two months after she was born. Laurel was a much more subtle and quiet child as she grew inside me. I LOVED feeling them move, even when it made me uncomfortable, and almost felt a bit robbed of this experience with Laurel because she was such a chill little fetus. I had horrible sciatica and Brad says I wasn't the most pleasant pregnant mama, but I look back on those 18 months with only good, wistful thoughts. I loved it! How can you not feel complete awe when you consider that a whole, entire human being grew inside of you?!

Then I looked at Cadence. Did she move, punch, and kick her mama as she grew? Did her mom love to watch her belly ripple as Cadence changed position? Did Cadence get the hiccups? I suddenly felt so sad for her that she will never be able to ask these questions. Granted, these aren't life altering answers that will change her life, but she will never know. One day, as she grows a whole, entire human being inside of her, this fact won't be lost on her. She will never know about her earliest days and there is nothing that will change this. It doesn't matter how much we love and support her, she will always have a void.