Cadence is 10 years old! All of my children - double digits now. It feels impossible. She has been with us for a little under 9 years. Cadence and Sierra got in an argument the other day with Sierra arguing that Cadence was born in 2010 and Cadence stating that she was born in 2009. Is Sierra really bad at math or was she just trying to get under her sister's skin (entirely possible!). Or does it seem like Cadence's life started when she came home with us in 2010? She had a whole 16 months that happened before we came into her life. Think of ALL of the things that happen in a child's first 16 months of life. All of the milestones that are cheered about and celebrated. All of the connections that are forming in their brains. So many things!
We have been very open discussing with Cadence what few details we know about those first 16 months of life. We have 24 pictures that we can share with her. We have a short journal that a wonderful volunteer with Half the Sky made when she met with Cadence the last four months that Cadence was in the orphanage. We have speculation about what happened the first few days of her life. Cadence has a very inquisitive mind. I know that there is a lot going on inside her little head about her life story that she is may not be talking to us about. Maybe she can't even formulate the thoughts and questions that are circling around in there. She may not even know where to start. It will be a lifelong journey of processing for her and sometimes I feel like I am failing on helping her navigate it all.
Recently we went to this wonderful American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore. On one wall there were postcards from postsecret blown up to 8x10's and displayed. Check out the link if you don't know what it is but basically people can send anonymous postcards to an address and they may make it into a book, website, or the wall of a museum apparently. Sierra and Laurel were reading them and Cadence was just wandering around... not seeming too interested. Until I saw her standing in front of these. The only two about adoption. I read them and felt like the air was sucked out of the room. What did they mean to her? How did she feel about them? Later that evening I attempted a conversation with her to no avail. She had no questions or desire to discuss anything. I have walked the line of pushing her to possibly talk about her thoughts/feelings/etc versus letting her discuss in her own time. So I will sit with it some more and wait for a moment that feels right or for her to feel like the moment is right.
Just a week later we attended a concert in Richmond. Last year I received a pamphlet for events at the Modlin Art Center. I set it aside to look at it another day. Months later I finally opened it and saw that Anda Union was touring in the US and would be just down the road from us! They are musicians and story tellers who share Mongolian culture and heritage through songs and native instruments. I was very excited for Cadence to experience such a rich part of her culture just an hour away from where we live! Once we got there and started reading the bios of the performers I was blown away that each of them mentioned a connection to Hohhot City, Inner Mongolia. Almost all of them had lived there or currently were living or working there. Hohhot City is a huge place but it took my breath away knowing that they may have walked past Cadence's orphanage, maybe even while she was there. I knew that we had to meet and talk to the members of the group! The music was mesmerizing and beautiful. Throughout the show there was video footage of the grasslands, yurts, and nomadic life. Cadence was riveted throughout the performance. We rushed to meet the group at the end and they were all very excited when they learned that Cadence was from Inner Mongolia. They surrounded her and she was seemed very happy and proud to be there with them too. When we were leaving we stopped to meet one of the singers. She sang the "Mother Song"which combines two long songs lamenting the distance between families and wish for reunification (let that sit for a minute here..) When we introduced Cadence she put her hand on Cadence's cheek and said "Mongolia is your Homeland". It was truly one of the most beautiful moments that I have witnessed. I don't know that Cadence fully understood the gravity of the whole night but I know that it made her incredibly happy to be in that space with those people and music and the story of her heritage. I know that our bodies hold on to all of the experiences throughout our lives and deep within Cadence she knows how special that evening was. I also know that it held more for her than I can probably grasp. Maybe one day, as she matures and processes her story, she will share with me what these moments have meant to her.
"I wish you knew that every time you talk about how much you hate people who put up
their children for adoption.... your talking about my mom."
"To a Birthmother:
You and I have never met, though I've cried for you many times. You gave up your son so that he could have everything, and for that I love you. He has and is everything you could have ever hoped for. He'll look for you someday, and I hope he finds you. My greatest wish is that you want to be found so that you can see what a wonderful person your son has become, and all because of you and your love for him. I love you. PS You're invited to our wedding!"
Anda Union
Cadence busting into her new year! Happy 10th birthday, baby girl!
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