Homeschool "learning experience"

You know those times when you can completely predict how something is going to go down?  You see the path and know that there is no way that you can change the direction.  Yes.  That's what homeschooling was for me.  Maybe that is why Sierra's last day at school in December was so hard.  I even told friends back then that I anticipated how homeschooling would go for us.  I would have these grand plans in my head that wouldn't come to fruition and then I would be frustrated.  I had intended to do science experiments outside, create unique art projects,  listen to NPR pod casts and have good discussions about them, pick a country to explore and immerse ourselves in, learn and teach all things photography and cooking, give Sierra the opportunity to read aloud to Cadence and Laurel's classes.  Gosh, that sounds like such an AMAZING homeschool experience, don't you think?!  I was gonna rock this thing!  Or rather, I was going to think a lot about rocking this thing, not follow through on most of it, and then feel like a huge failure.  Yep.  That's how it went down.

I do realize that it's not that black and white.  Very shortly after our homeschooling adventure started Sierra missed her friends.  There aren't many kids her age who live close by and can just pop on over to say hello and she doesn't have a phone to text.  Our plans for her to start back at karate were put on hold when I went to Africa in February and, despite my efforts, it was challenging to find tween aged homeschoolers to connect with.  Sierra missed being around people her own age.  Homeschooling quickly lost it's appeal and by February she wanted to go back to school.  But, we had committed to try for the remainder of the year so we forged ahead. 

Unfortunately, as with most disgruntled pre-teens, it was difficult to pull enthusiasm from her.  Most of my suggestions (for those rockin' homeschool plans) were met with complaints, moans, and groans.  Sierra fell asleep as we listened to NPR pod casts.  She balked at reading aloud to her sisters' classes.  She definitely did not want to learn about any countries that I brought up.  It was frustrating for both of us.  So much that, in one particular "mom of the year" moment, I actually said that I was going to homeschool both her and her sister next year - as a threat!  Yes, it was that good.  Additionally, having Laurel in school made things even more difficult.  On a few occasions we had a bit of a groove going and then - BAM - snow day (or 5 or 6).  Of course Sierra wasn't going to do school work while Laurel was home playing.  For some reason it was so hard to pick up where we left off when Laurel went back to school.  I did learn something new about myself too.  I suck at structure.  Like, majorly suck!  And Sierra craved structure to her days and weeks.  Not a good match.

It hasn't been completely horrible.  Sierra took a fabulous art class that she really enjoyed. We've been able to do a few baking/cooking projects that she wanted to do. She has enjoyed less work focused days when she was able to hang out with friends.  It was some of these times with her friends that sort of clinched it for me.  Watching her smile, laugh, and brighten up when her friends were around made me realize the impact that social interaction has on her.  It made me realize that despite all of the things that I worry about socially in middle school (we've all been there, you know what I mean!) there are things that I cannot give her at home.  I think part of me hoped that by homeschooling her I could protect her a little longer from all of the drama that I loathe to think about my girls going through.  Give her a chance to grow into her own person a little more before exposing her to what everyone else thinks she should be.  But, it might do her more harm than good as well as the fact that neither of us is enjoying the process at all.  As a very wise friend said to me today, I need to have faith.  I need to have faith in Sierra. Faith that despite cutbacks at the school she will learn and grow and thrive.  Faith that, with our support and love, she will make the right choices and find her own way and her own happiness.  Faith that even when my kids are out of my reach, that they will be okay. 

Advice?

Yesterday I went to a huge yard sale for a local couple who are planning to adopt from Uganda.  I scored some cute clothes and a bike for Laurel since she's been stuck riding our ghetto fab bike with one white tire and one black tire!  I was able to meet Chris (but not his wife, April) and tell him congratulations and good luck on their journey.  I said that Cadence came home to us last year.  He asked me what advice I had for them.  Hmmm...  

Contrary to my husband's opinion, I don't have advice to give on everything!  I worry about saying something that might offend someone or saying something that they have heard a hundred times or that they might think is just plain stupid.  I thought about his question for a moment the said "Patience.  Have patience."  I am not a patient person (as pretty much anyone who knows me will tell you) but the entire adoption process was the ultimate test of my patience.  I've thought about the question some more and have come up with a few more pieces of advice.

- Get to know other adoptive families.  Families who have been down this road before are an invaluable resource. Other adoptive families we know have given us wonderful advice and support  about attachment issues and what to expect when your child comes home.  If they have gone through the same country and if they have done it recently they can help you with where to stay, who to get to help you when you are there, what items to bring with you. Families who are going through the process on a similar timeline to yours are wonderful to have available too.  Some adoption agencies will let you know about other families in their program as well as checking out yahoo groups and adoption websites.  It's good to have others to lament to when something doesn't show up in your mailbox or the phone hasn't rung with big news to an outlet that most adoptive parents can use and one time or another.

- Prepare yourself for life beyond Family Day (or "Gotcha Day").  As with a wedding, there are so many plans and so much excitement that goes into the big day it's often easy to forget that at some point you might get tired of picking his dirty socks up off the floor and you'll have to ask him 4 times to PLEASE fold the laundry.  Raising a child is hard.  Like, really hard.  If your heart and mind don't see past the expectation of a joyful, tear-filled meeting when your child is placed in your arms, the sometimes hard road of parenting can feel unbearable.  Don't get me wrong, being a parent is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I love my children with all my heart!  I cannot imagine my life without them, but our days aren't always full of rainbows and flowers!

- On that note, be aware that post-adoption depression is real.  It was very easy to write off a little post-partum depression as "hormones".  When I was not in the best place after Cadence's adoption, it took some words of support from a fellow adoptive mom to make me see my post-adoption depression for what it was.  This was the child I had been yearning for for so long and she was here and what the heck was wrong with me that I wasn't over the moon happy all of the time?  Realizing and accepting the way I felt helped me deal with it and continue to move past it.  But it does happens!

- Have faith.  Adopting a child, like trying to have a baby, is a leap of faith.  Faith that everything will happen as it's meant to happen at the exact right moment.  It may not be on the timeline that you want or what you expect, but it's happening exactly the way it was meant to be.